Miss India 2009 - Pooja Chopra
Neera Chopra is her mother. This is her story.

Neera Chopra lived through abuse, poverty and some tough choices to make her once-unwanted girl child, Pooja Chopra.

***

"I don’t know where to begin... they were terrible times. My husband was well-placed, but the marriage had begun to sink almost as soon as it began. Like most women do, I tried to work against all the odds . 

My in-laws insisted everything would be alright if I had a son. My first child was a daughter, and that didn’t do me any good... but I couldn’t walk out. I had lost my father, my brother was in a not-so-senior position in Bata. I didn’t want to be a burden on my family and continued to live in my marital home in Kolkata. 

I looked after my mother-inlaw, who was suffering from cancer, and while bathing her, I would tell myself she would bless me and put things right. 

I don’t know how I tolerated it all. The least a man can do, if he must philander, is to not flaunt his women in his wife’s face. Then began the manhandling. I still wanted my marriage to survive. I was a pure vegetarian and learnt to cook non-vegetarian delicacies thinking it would please him. 

Then, I was pregnant again. When Pooja was eight months in my womb, my husband brought a girl to the house and announced he would marry her. I thought of killing myself. I hung on the slight hope that if the baby was a boy, my marriage could be saved. 

When Pooja was born a girl, for three days, nobody came to the hospital. There was a squadron leader’s wife on the opposite bed, who was kind enough to give me baby clothes for Pooja to wear. When she was 20 days old, I had to make a choice. I left the house with my girls ‘ Pooja and Shubra, who was seven then. I haven’t seen my husband since. I promised myself, even if we had just one roti, we would share it, but together. 

I began life in Mumbai with the support of my mother, brother, who was by then married. It wasn’t the ideal situation, especially when he had children - space, money, everything was short. I began work at the Taj Colaba and got my own place. How did I manage? Truth be told, I would put a chatai on the floor, leave two glasses of milk and some food, and bolt the door from outside before going to work. I would leave the key with the neighbours and tell the kids to shout out to them when it was time to leave for school. 

Their tiny hands would do homework on their own, feed themselves on days that I worked late. My elder daughter Shubhra would make Pooja do her corrections... This is how they grew up. At a birthday party, Pooja would not eat her piece of cake, but pack it and bring it home to share with her sister. When Shubhra started working, she would skip lunch and pack a chicken sandwich that she would slip in her sister’s lunchbox the next day. 

I used to pray, ‘God, punish me for my karma, but not my innocent little kids. Please let me provide them the basics.’ I used to struggle for shoes, socks, uniforms. I was living in Bangur Nagar, Goregaon. Pooja would walk four bus stops down to the St Thomas 
Academy . Then, too little to cross the road, she would ask a passerby to help her. I had to save the bus money to be able to put some milk in their bodies. 

Life began to change when I got a job for Rs 6,000 at the then Goa Penta. Mr Chhabra, the owner, and his wife, were kind enough to provide a loan for me. I sent my daughters to my sister’s house in Pune, with my mother as support. I spent four years working in Goa while I saved to buy a small one-bedroom house in Pune (where the family still lives). I would work 16-18 hours a day, not even taking weekly offs to accumulate leave and visit my daughters three or four times a year. 

Once I bought my house and found a job in Pune, life began to settle. I worked in Hotel Blue Diamond for a year and then finally joined Mainland China ‘ which changed my life. The consideration of the team and management brought me the stability to bring them up, despite late hours and the travelling a hotelier must do. 

Shubhra got a job in Hotel Blue Diamond, being the youngest employee there while still in college, and managed to finish her Masters in commerce and her BBM. Today, she is married to a sweet Catholic boy who is in the Merchant Navy and has a sweet daughter. 

I continue to finish my day job and come home and take tuitions, as I have done for all these years. I also do all my household chores myself. 

Through the years, Shubhra has been my anchor and Pooja, the rock. Pooja’s tiny hands have wiped away my tears when I broke down. She has stood up for me, when I couldn’t speak for myself. Academically brilliant, she participated in all extra-curricular activities. When she needed high heels to model in, she did odd shows and bought them for herself. 

When I saw Pooja give her speech on TV, I knew it came from her heart. I could see the twinkle in her eye. And I thought to myself as she won ‘My God, this is my little girl.’ 

Today, I’ve no regrets. I believe every cloud has a silver lining. As a mother, I’ve done nothing great." 

Pantaloons Femina Miss India Pooja Chopra’s mother promised, ‘One day, this girl will make me proud’. 


Pooja speaks on fulfilling that promise... "When I was 20 days old, my mother was asked to make a choice. It was either me, a girl child, or her husband. She chose me. As she walked out she turned around and told her husband, ‘One day, this girl will make me proud’. That day has come. Her husband went on to marry a woman who gave him two sons. Today, as I stand here a Miss India, I don’t even know if my father knows that it is me, his daughter, who has set out to conquer the world, a crown on my head. 


"Our lives have not been easy, least so for my mother. Financially, emotionally, she struggled to stay afloat, to keep her job and yet allow us to be the best that we could be. I was given only one condition when I started modelling ‘ my grades wouldn’t drop. 

"All the girls in the pageant worked hard, but my edge was my mother’s sacrifice, her karma. Today, when people call to congratulate me, it’s not me they pay tribute to, but to her life and her struggle. She’s the true Woman of Substance. She is my light, my mentor, my driving force."

Life is about ups and downs. Just know that after a thunderstorm, there is a rainbow. At the end of the tunnel, there is always light. And at the end of the day, you are human. There are so many things that are out of our control, so know this: take joy and happiness from the things you can control. You have the power to brighten up your own day. When you smile at someone, you brighten up their day and in turn, their brighten yours. Smiles are contagious. And so is kindness. And happiness. 
Let us heal those moments that bring us down by keeping our heads high, by remembering the light at the end of the tunnel, and the rainbow after the rainstorm. 

Cheers to one of my all-time favourite songs that never fails to uplift my soul in times when I need a boost. 

I came across this question on a discussion board and thought it was quite thought provoking. Here are my mind's wanders:

As a child, I would always stare into my palms and wonder exactly WHAT I was. Now, my understanding of my presence here has deepened quite drastically. WHO you are is self-identification and WHAT you are, in my opinion, is much more profound and relates to quantum theory and reincarnation, etc. Ultimately, I think our purpose is to discover our purpose and contribute to the Earth in the ways in which have been predetermined. I believe that our paths are written with some lee-way for us to write our own stories within the umbrella of achieving our ultimate goal on this planet. This is why it is important to follow your heart, your passions, and the things that excite you. This is the soul telling you that you are on the right direction.

How about yours? 

Comment below. I am curious to know what you think and how you see it?

A King had, as only son, a young Prince, brave, skillful and intelligent. To perfect his knowledge of Life, he sent him by the side of an Old Wise Man.

"Bring Light to my Path of Life", the Prince asked.

"My words will faint away like the prints of your steps in the sand", the Wise Man answered. However, I want to give you some indications. On your Path, you will find 3 doors. Read the rules written on each of them. An irresistible need will urge you to follow them. Don't try and get away from them, because you would be condemned to live again, ceaselessly, what you have avoided. I may tell you no more. You have to feel all this deep in your heart and in your flesh. 
Go, now. Follow this path, right in front of you."

The Old Wise Man disappeared and the Prince entered the Path of Life.

He was soon in front of a big door, on which one could read:

"CHANGE THE WORLD".

"It was my intention indeed", the Prince thought, "because if some things please me in this world, others greatly displease me." 

And he began his first fight. His ideal, his ardour and his power urged him to confront himself to the world, to undertake, to conquer, to model reality according to his desires. 

He found there the pleasure and the dizziness of the conqueror, but no peace in his heart. He managed to change some things but many others resisted to him. Many years passed.

One day, he met the Old Wise Man who asked him: 

"What have you learnt on your path?" 

"I have learnt," the Prince answered, " how to discern what is within my power and what is without, what depends on me and what does not depend on me".

"That's good!", the Old Man said. "Use your strength to act on what is within your power. Forget what's beyond your power." And he disappeared.

A bit later, the Prince was in front of a second door. 
He could read on it :

"CHANGE THE OTHERS".

"It was my intention indeed", he thought. "The others are a source of pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction, but also, of pain, bitterness and frustration. " 

And he rebelled against everything that could disturb him or displease him in his fellow men. He tried to bend their characters and to extirpate their defects. It was there his second fight. 

Many years passed.

One day, as he was meditating on the utility of the attempts to change the others, he met the Old Wise Man who asked him: 

"What have you learnt on your path?" 

"I have learnt", the Prince answered, "that the others are not the cause or the source of my joys and my punishments, my satisfactions and my setbacks. They are only opportunities for all of them to be revealed. It is in myself that all these things have their roots." 

"You are right," the Wise Man said. "According to what they wake up in you, the others reveal you to yourself. Be grateful to those who make your enjoyment and pleasure vibrate. But be also grateful to those who create in you suffering or frustration, because, through them, life teaches you what is left in you to learn and the path that you still have to walk." 

And the Old Man disappeared.

A bit further, the Prince arrived in front of a door, on which these words were written:

"CHANGE YOURSELF".

"If I am myself the cause of my problems, it is indeed what's left in me to work on", he said to himself. 

And he began his 3rd fight. He tried to bend his character, to fight his imperfections, to abolish his defects, to change everything that did not please him in himself, everything that did not correspond to his ideal. 

After many years of this fight, in which he met some success, but also, some failures and some resistances, the Prince met the Wise Man who asked him: 

"What have you learnt on your path?" 

"I have learnt", the Prince answered, "that there are things that we can improve, others that resist to us and that we can't 
manage to break." 

"That's good!" the Wise Man said. 

"Yes", the Prince went on, "but I am beginning to be tired of fighting against everything, against everybody, against myself. Won't there be an end to it one day? When shall I find a rest? I want to stop fighting, to give up, to abandon everything, I want to let go !" 

"It is precisely your next lesson", the Old Wise Man said. "But before going any further, turn round and behold the path covered." 

And he disappeared.

On looking back, the Prince saw in the distance the 3rd door, and noticed that it was carrying a text on its back, saying :

"ACCEPT YOURSELF"

The Prince was surprised not to have seen this writing when he went through the door, the other way. 

"When one fights, one becomes blind", he said to himself. He also saw, lying on the ground, scattered around him, everything he had thrown away and fought against in him: his defects, his shadows, his fears, his limits, all his old worries. He had learnt then how to recognize them, to accept them, to love them. He had learnt how to love himself without comparing himself to the others any more, without judging himself, without reprimanding himself. 

He met the Old Wise Man who asked him: 

"What have you learnt on your path?" 

"I have learnt", the Prince answered," that hating or refusing a part of myself, it is to condemn myself never to be in agreement with myself. I learnt how to accept myself, totally, unconditionally. " 

"That's good!", the Old Man said, it is the first rule in Wisdom. Now you can go back through the 3rd door."

He had no sooner reached the other side, that the Prince perceived far away the back side of the second door, on which 
he could read: 

"ACCEPT THE OTHERS"

All around him, he could recognize the persons he had been with all his life through; those he had loved as well as those 
he had hated. Those he had supported and those he had fought. But the biggest surprise of all for him was that now, he was 
absolutely unable to see their imperfections, their defects, what formerly had embarrassed him so much, and against which 
he had fought. 

He met the Old Wise Man again.

"What have you learnt on your path?" he asked him. 

"I have learnt", the Prince answered, "that by being in agreement with myself, I had no more anything to blame in the others, no more anything to be afraid of in them. I have learnt how to accept and to love the others, totally, unconditionally. " 

"That's good!", the Old Wise Man said. "It is the second rule in Wisdom. You can go back through the second door." 

On reaching the other side of the second door, the Prince perceived in the distance the back side of the first door, 
on which he could read: 

"ACCEPT THE WORLD" 

"Strangely enough", he said to himself, "that I did not see these words on the first time". He looked all around him and recognized this world which he had tried to conquer, to transform, to change. He was struck by the brightness and the beauty of every thing. By their perfection. Nevertheless, it was the same world as before. Was it the world which had changed or the glance he had on it?

He met the Old Wise Man who asked him: 

"What have you learnt on your path?" 

"I have learnt", the Prince said, that the world is a mirror for my soul. That my soul can't see the world, it sees itself in the world. When my soul is cheerful, the world seems cheerful to it. When it is overcome, the world seems sad to it. The world itself is neither sad nor cheerful. It IS there; it exists; it is everything. It was Not the world that disturbed me, but the idea that I had of it. I have learnt to accept it without judging it, to accept it totally, unconditionally. "

"It is 3rd rule of Wisdom", the Old Man said. "You are here now in agreement with yourself, with the others and with the World." 

A profound feeling of peace, serenity, plenitude, filled the Prince. Silence was in him.

"Now, you are ready to go past the last Threshold", the Old Wise Man said, "the one that goes from the silence of Plenitude to the Plenitude of Silence". 

And the Old Man disappeared. 


Retrieved from: http://www.jaihanuman.org/learnonpath.asp 

Happy Diwali, happy Diwali
Let us rejoice in this special occasion
that celebrates the triumph of good over evil
that celebrates the victory of love
over a lack thereof
that celebrates family and friends
that celebrates the good in life
where the loud crackles and bright lights of the firecrackers
drive away the evil
in our lives.
Where we dress in new clothes
and clean our homes.
To welcome the Goddess Lakshmi
in our humble abode
and into our lives
to fill it with wealth
wealth of love
wealth of good
wealth of family.
Let us light the lamp with a flame
a flame that shines bright
within our homes
within our lives
within our souls
Let the light shine bright
for the good that is within us
that we cultivate
and which manifests
as the good in the world.
Let us celebrate Diwali with a smile on our faces
and in our hearts.
Happy Diwali, Happy Diwali.

"You see disability, we see ability."

Meet Reshma, Hemi, and Sharmila. 

Three recent McGill Master's graduates of Occupational Therapy that are headed towards making a world of difference to children and adolescents with physical and mental disabilities in India. Driven by their desire to give back to their community--a single good intention--their pathway to changing the way we view disability has fallen nicely into place. They were absolutely stunned by the positive feedback from the community with their sold out fundraiser (selling over 320 tickets and counting!).

I sat down with them on Skype to chit chat over their placement. And let me tell you.. mind blown.
They are truly a testament to perseverance and doing their best to make a change in the world. As you can see in the Q&A below, it wasn't easy for them to co-ordinate everything on their own but they show us that a good intention and a little hard work can go a long way!

Q: What inspired you to take on this kind of initiative?

A: We took a class at McGill called "Community based Rehabilitation" and we met an occupational therapist who was travelling around the world and helping out people with different types of disabilities. They were providing rehabilitation services and they wanted to make a difference. We were so inspired that we wanted to do something similar. 

Reshma: From the get-go, I always wanted to travel. I had gone to Costa Rica with McGill earlier in my undergraduate years providing emergency relief and building community centers for areas affected by the earthquake. It was a great experience and I learnt alot from it! I knew that I wanted to do it again but we couldn't find the time. All in all, it just seemed like the timing was good to take this on at this time!

Q: Tell me a little bit about what you'll be doing there.

A: At the beginning, we weren't sure who to work with so we e-mailed hospitals and centers around India and the response was positive. We chose to work with ADAPT, formerly known as SSI (Spastic Society of India) because of their mission and their credibility as they have been around since 1972, and also because they serve the pediatric population. They focus mainly on school-based and community interventions for the children and vocational counselling for the adolescents. ADAPT is constantly advocating for inclusive education at a local and national level. After our research, we found out that it is one of India's leading non for profit organizations. As per our work, the groundwork is already set up and our expectations are laid out very clearly. We will be receiving training at the beginning and we are there to work with them, exchange skills, information, and pretty much provide an extra set of hands. They already have a program in place with physiotherapists, special educators, social workers, etc. In terms of our skills, we have gained valuable experience through our clinical placements and feel that we can contribute valuable knowledge as well. One thing that's important that we've identified with them is their need-specific interventions that they provide, it's important to note that a one-size fits-all doesn't work and that it's important to recognize and tailor interventions based on the specific needs of the individual.

Q: Wow, so are you going with an organization?

A: No. The entire project is independent. We wanted to work with children with disabilities. Like we mentioned, we e-mailed a few places. We had to narrow it down based on location and population. We wanted to work with children and we also wanted to work in a big city that we could explore. It was a long process and we had to find a middle ground that worked for everyone, to make sure that our partners could accomodate us, etc. There were alot of technicalities and such and it required a lot of organization and patience to get it done!

Q: What is the demographic that you are targeting on your trip and who are you partnering with?

A: We will be working with people with disabilities, more specifically, the Pediatric population; children and adolescents with neuro-developmental disorders, musculoskeletal, mental or physical disabilities. We'll be partnering with ATAPT, formerly known as SSI (Spastic Society of India).

Q: How long will you be there?

A: From Dec 1st - Feb 21st, almost three months!

Q: Did you face any challenges throughout the planning/fundraising?

A: To be honest, we were expecting to have a hard time selling the tickets but our event is sold out and there are people who are more than generous and who are jumping on board. One challenge that we did experience was to keep up with the large amount of logistics that comes with planning your own trip but even then, I wouldn't say it was a challenge, but more of excitement!

Q: What would you tell the people who attend your fundraiser and everyone else in the community?

A: First and foremost, we just want to thank every single person who has helped us and whose shared that common vision. Our volunteers, the performers, the sponsors, everybody has a hand in this. And we are also raising awareness about the needs that are out there internationally. There's a lot of people out there who want to make a difference and who lack the initiative. We want to show them that it is possible! We were flabbergasted by the positive response in Montreal, we're not worried about the next generation. We know they will do good!

And there you have it! Although their event is sold out, you can still support them by making a donation here: 
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=J6Q4WYB3RV84L&lc=CA&item_name=You+see+Disability%2C+We+see+Ability&item_number=OTINDIA2012&currency_code=CAD&bn=PP-DonationsBF%3Abtn_donateCC_LG.gif%3ANonHosted

They are a testament to community involvement and that all it takes is a good intention and a little elbow grease!

Here is something I came across on Facebook and thought that there was a lesson to be learnt for everyone. When you're lost, conflicted between what to do and not to do, here is something that may make your path a bit clearer..

***
If others' thoughts disturb (prompting you to react). Be calm. Keep quiet for a while... maybe an hour, maybe a day, before reacting. Its amazing that you will not be able to react. Then you will realise that those thoughts helped you in realising your own weaknesses. 

Here is the story as told by Osho:

Gurdjieff remembers that when his grandfather was dying. He was only nine years old and his grandfather called to him. 

He loved the boy very much and he told the boy, "I don't have much to give to you, but departing from the world I would like to give you something. I can only give you one piece of advice that has helped me; it was given to me by my father, and he was also dying when he gave it to me. I am dying. You are too young, you may not be able to understand it right now, but remember, a day will come when you will understand. Whenever you find yourself capable of following my advice, follow it, and you will never be in misery. You can avoid the hell of life."

And what was the advice? 

He said to Gurdjieff, "Remember one thing: if you want to do any bad thing, postpone it for tomorrow; and if you want to do something good, do it immediately -- because postponement is a way of not doing. And bad has not to be done, and good has to be done. For example," the old man said, "if somebody insults you and you feel angry, enraged, tell him that you will come after twenty-four hours and answer him."

Gurdjieff remembers, "That advice transformed my whole life. Although I was too young, only nine years old, I tried it just out of curiosity. Some boy would insult me or would hurt me or would say something nasty, and I would remember my old dying grandfather and I would tell the boy, 'I will have to wait; I have promised an old man. After twenty-four hours I will answer you.'

"And it always happened," Gurdjieff remembers, "that either I would come to conclude that he was right, that whatsoever he had said LOOKED nasty but it was true about me.... He was saying, 'You are a thief,' and that is true, I am a thief. He was saying, 'You are insincere,' and that is true -- I am insincere." So he would go and thank the boy: "You pointed out something true about me. You brought up a true facet of my being which was not clear to me. You made me more conscious about myself. I am immensely grateful."

Or, after twenty-four hours' thinking, he would come to conclude that, "That man or that boy is absolutely wrong. It has nothing to do with me." Then there is no point in answer-ing; he would not go back to the boy. If something is utterly wrong, why become enraged? This is a big world, millions of people are there; you cannot go answering everybody, otherwise your whole life will be wasted. And there is no need either.

This is half of the story. 

If you can postpone the bad for tomorrow you will be able to do the good immediately. 

And you will never repent -- because if you do bad immediately, you will repent tomorrow; if you do good today you will never repent, there is no question of repentance. 

This is a simple secret of transforming the hell that you live in into a lotus paradise. 

***

Source: Unknown, found on Facebook.

This image had popped up a few times in my newsfeed and every time it's made me stop and think, "WTH".

Tallia Castellano, a thirteen year old famous for her viral youtube tutorial videos on make up and reviews has become the new CoverGirl following her battle against cancer. Having been diagnosed with cancer at the age of 7, Tallia has undergone chemotherapy three times thus far. Her honorary CoverGirl status is a testament of empowerment and hope to all those out there who are fighting cancer.

Yes yes rainbows and unicorns.

Not quite.

There is something here that really bothers me. One, that CoverGirl products have been known to be cancer-causing, two, that by glamorizing cancer they are subliminally justifying the existence of cancer, and three, that by putting a pretty face on cancer "fighters", they are neglecting the other side; the suffering, the pain, the anger. 

This all comes down to my perspective of the Pink Ribbons Campaign. Cancer has become a commodity upon which society has acknowledged its value and have thus begun capitalizing on it. This, in my opinion, is inherently wrong. To benefit or more specifically, to profit from the illness of others is wrong in my book and that is the basis of my argument. Let your perspective differ as it may, but here is where I stand.

The language used in these cancer campaigns, "fighting", "battling", or "conquering" are all words of war. We are not combatting a foreign enemy here. Cancer cells are a part of us, they are abnormal cells that grow within the human body as a result of an acidic environment. Studies have shown that alkaline environments kill cancer cells yet these studies have gone under the radar, quite conveniently. 

More and more money is being divulged into research that is looking for a cure to something that we don't fully comprehend. 

It is simple. Just think about it.. does that make any sense?

Before listening to all the mumbo jumbo, the threaded sentences of eloquent words and phrases that seem so scholarly that you take them at face value. NO. 

Think about what they are saying.

The truth is simple. And it simply doesn't make sense. To me, at least.

Ford, Estee Lauder, Avon, CoverGirl, all these companies hold annual fundraiser to "fight cancer". But how can you fight something you don't completely understand? How can you fight something you don't know? 

Is it not hypocrisy to "fight" a disease that you are causing in the first place?

My last poem, 
"They wanna 'fix' things because they broke them. 
They wanna raise money for a cause because they caused it."

That is what I'm trying to say here.

Think about it... 
They sell you a product that causes cancer. 
And then take your money to find a way to cure it. 
And you want to support a company that is doing so much 'good' 
so you go back to them and buy more products 
that are more likely to give you cancer
and they hold more fundraisers
to which you give more  money
to find a cure to a problem
that you paid them to cause.
Think about it.

Putting a pretty picture to a disease is not right. 

But for those who have gone through it, you are survivors. I have nothing but unconditional love for you.

Open your eyes to realize the real lies that are being propagated by society. 

Putting a pretty face on cancer doesn't cure it.
Education does. Finding and limiting the causes for cancer does. Money towards prevention does.
And most importantly, educate yourself. 

Don't take anything at face value.

They only wanna bring you down because they know you're above them. 
They wanna 'fix' things because they broke them. 
They wanna raise money for a cause because they caused it. 
They restrict women because they know that a woman's potential will outweigh their own. 
They reconcile their mistakes by shoving it down our throats in the name of goodwill. 

This world is a messed up place. 
But wherever there is evil. It is met with good.

And it is the good that will prevail. 
In the face of misery, deceit and lies;
It is the good that will conquer. 
In the midst of war;
it is love that takes over. 
In the midst of anger and hatred;
a smile conquers.

Good doesn't wear a mask, it doesn't manifest as clearly as bad. 
But it does. And it is felt.

This is a poem I write after tonight.

This is a poem I write from the heart.

This is a poem I write out of inspiration.

This is a poem.